It's All Downhill From Prom
By Ella Wilkinson '20
Are you more stressed about how you’re going to ask your date than how to ace your test? Do you see gender reveal videos and think to yourself, “should that be me asking him to prom?” Or perhaps you don’t even have a date? Stress no more with these amazing, brilliant, show stopping, innovative, etc. ideas that are sure to get you both a date and an affirmative answer. These ideas, ranging from easy and casual to intricate and fever-dream-esque are sure to wow.
First, there is the classic phone call. Simple. Easy. Boring. We are ditching that idea because as Viz girls, y’all are way more creative. I understand that you want it to be casual, but not so casual that you seem disinterested, but a phone call just screams, “I’m too lazy to handwrite you a letter in calligraphy and send it by carrier pigeon”. The same goes for smoke signals. Instead, go big. Invite them to Captiva Island (with your fam, of course. Let’s keep this safe), and then, on the beach write, “you’ve captivated my heart” in the sand. What’s great is that this gives you a 30 second window before the tide washes it away, so if they say no, you can pretend like it never happened. Genius.
For you ladies who don’t have a date yet, and maybe don’t know any STL boys, here are a few techniques. Host parties. Big parties. Invite literally everyone, including some potential dates. Stand alone, perpetually gazing out of the large windows as everyone parties behind you. This gives you an air of mystique, and people will feel flattered when you ask them to prom. Another way is to sit outside various boys’ schools, holding up a sign that says, “Free dinner for one”. This sets a trap that many dumb boys will fall for, and then you have a date for prom!
Of course, there is always the simple text message. I myself prefer the snapchat method that really makes things so incredibly casual that the guy forgets that you even asked him because everything disappears, so when he asks you, “wait did you ask me to prom,” you can just take it as him asking you to prom, so that you can still retain your dignity.
Our April 4th prom is much earlier than most, so most likely we, the females, must do the asking. For people who aren’t forward like me, this is stressful. Hopefully these tips can help you out. Also, don’t forget that prom is literally the peak of your life, meaning that the promposal has got to be terrific. I guess, in all, this was just a very convoluted and intricate way of me procrastinating asking a friend to prom.
So, Ted, prom?