top of page
  • Writer's pictureEmerging Media

What Not to Wear: Halloween Edition

By Julia Joseph '21

This Halloween is going to be strange, don't make it weirder by wearing any of these costumes:

1. A cat- Look, I love cats. You love cats. Everyone with two eyes and a functional brain loves cats. But every Halloween, groups of teenage girls turn into the ASPCA with how much these costumes are worn. Maybe try something different this year— may I suggest a kinkajou?

Pictured for reference.

2. Any variation of the COVID molecule- I can already see entire petri dishes of these costumes, and they honestly wouldn't be so bad if the disease wasn’t so serious, or even if the pandemic was a thing of the past. Unfortunately, this is not the case, so leave this tone-deaf costume in the drafts.

This is scary for so many reasons.

3. Which brings me the next no-no… any costume worn among large groups of people or without a mask. This is the scariest costume of all because it has the potential to actually spread disease to those around you. Gross. Be smart this Halloween and scare trick-or-treaters fully-masked and from a safe distance.

4. A Dr. Seuss character- Perfect for the perpetually-engaged third grade substitute teacher. Kinda weird for anyone else.

5. 70s hippy chick- This one isn't necessarily bad, there are just more interesting time periods to dress up as. Ever heard of ancient Mesopotamia?

Copyright this, Party City.

6. Anyone from Riverdale- This one also isn't bad, I just hate the show and obviously your outfit choices should conform to my personal tastes.

7. Either of your parents- Speaking from experience, most parents don't like impersonations, no matter how tastefully done or comical. They also seem to get mad when you follow them around and imitate their movements. Noted.

8. A police officer- Get too into character and you're "impersonating an officer" and "committing a felony." And FYI, the real officers won't think you're one of them.


bottom of page